10 simple steps out of a victim’s mindset for escorts and anyone else
| For escorts, Safety
Escorts are victimized in many ways through their careers. Violent and abusive clients hurt and murder escorts. Law enforcement officials arrest escorts for presumed illegal activities, while ignoring the actions of their clients. The media judges and stereotypes escorts and those involved in the sex work industry every day through sensationalized accounts and extreme examples. And society has created a stigma that has made it acceptable to degrade, vilify, pity and discriminate against escorts. People who work in the escort industry are subjected to these standards all of the time. The good news is that they don’t have to be.
It’s hard to avoid the effects of some of these victimizing behaviors. But escorts can learn ways to stand up to society’s efforts to make them victims for their career choices and personal activities. Use these tips to stand strong:
Never allow yourself to think “X does Y to me.” You are in charge of everything that happens to you. You have a choice every step of the way. You can decide which turn to take based on your past experience. (That’s what we accumulate it for in the first place.) The moment you let this mindset go, you become a victim.
These are pieces of imagination that other people share with each other. It has nothing to do with you, because you are who you want to see yourself as.
Don’t play the game the rules of which you did not create. It’s common for escorts to be depicted as drug addicts, nymphomaniacs, mentally ill people, child victims of sexual or physical abuse, vulnerable runaways, love-stricken prostitutes, thieves, scam artists and STD carriers. The media and society do all they can to degrade escorts and de-glamorize their lifestyles. Escorts are made out to be immoral, home wreckers. It’s suggested that escorts blackmail their rich, powerful clients or are out for their “five minutes of fame”. Escorts have to realize that these images conjured up by the media and society are not true of most industry professionals. Just like in every other walk of life, people with questionable motives exist. However, there are no more of them in the escort industry than there are in the rest of the world. The labels and stereotypes do not apply to everyone. Escorts must remember this.
Acknowledge that people are ignorant and tactless. Ignorant people often do not have all the facts (even though they act as if they do) or choose to ignore ones that do not support what they believe to be accurate. Ignorant people fail to remember that escorts are people, too, just like them. They tend to categorize escorts into some other group, stripping them of their human qualities. As a result, people often think they can say anything to an escort. They suggest that a “nice” girl would never engage in that line of work, insinuating directly that the escort they are talking to is not a “nice” girl. Their manners and etiquette they exercise with others seem to be forgotten when they talk to escorts. This includes clients, too, who are new to the hobby. They make assumptions and statements that would be rude in any other company, but they think it’s okay to say judgmental things to escorts. Once you chalk up ignorant people’s rudeness and arrogance to their own downfalls, it’s much easier to get past their cluelessness.
Refuse to buy into a moral code determined by an uptight society. Even the U.S. Supreme Court recently ruled that the government doesn’t have the right to legislate morality or restrict freedom of speech according to its own ethical standards. Morality is a subjective code of conduct. No two people can agree about it. However, the ruling class tends to impose their “norms” to ensure that the social pyramid continues to serve the top, and call these “norms” morals. Often using religion as a foundation for their beliefs, members of society who believe that the escort industry only has negative impacts and consequences speak out loudly, intending to impress their opinions on everyone else. They harshly judge escorts for engaging in intimate activities with men they scarcely know, calling them harlots, whores and sluts. Women are viewed negatively for embracing their sexuality and allowing themselves to be liberated beyond the standardized image. Don’t allow society to give you the standards by which you should judge yourself. Use your own moral compass to direct you. Escorting is a career that doesn’t harm anyone. Your clients come to you willingly. You attempt to spread some joy during your time with them. There is nothing wrong with that. And, keep in mind that by living the life you want, you ensure that you will never be a victim of society.
Define your personal success and happiness in your own terms. Society and anti-prostitution advocates spout information about how unhappy escorts are in their work, citing rates of suicide, depression, mental illness and overall dissatisfaction. However, they don’t have real facts that apply to you. Many of these studies that indicate escorts are unhappy with their lifestyles come from research derived from conversations with trafficked prostitutes and victims of white-slavery. Of course, they aren’t happy. But, your situation is entirely different. When you started escorting, you established your own set of values for what you would stand for and what you wouldn’t allow. You determined that being an escort was an acceptable career for yourself. Don’t allow people who don’t know you to provide you with a foundation for which to gauge your own satisfaction levels. Determine your own happiness using what’s important to you. Perhaps, it’s the fact that you make enough money to live and have sufficient time to enjoy life. Maybe you enjoy your job. It could be that you have found a good balance between work and real life. Use your own metrics to judge your life.
Identify the good things about yourself. Even though society may pick you apart with specifics about what a bad person you are, you know that the criticism is not true or accurate. Think about your good traits and the aspects of your personality that make you a person others want to be around. Maybe you’re kind, smart, funny or compassionate. You might have a contagious spark, an innovative mind, creative spirit or other behaviors that endear you to your clients. If you can’t think of anything in particular, ask your clients what drew them to you, especially after meeting you. Knowing that you are an awesome person helps to give you that self-worth everyone needs and that society attempts to strip away from you constantly.
Live the life you want. You are going to die once. You are not allowed any luggage at that checkout except one realization: whether you lived the life you wanted or not. Nobody, nobody at all, including your best friend, spouse, children or parents, can tell you how to live your life. The government, nor society, can direct your personal liberties or dictate your thoughts. Your life is yours to lead how you see fit. You never expressed your consent to be born into this world, therefore you owe nothing to nobody and are free to live as you see fit. Yes, you can be put to jail, but what freedom do you have outside other than to consume? Yes, you can be killed doing what you like, but you will die once anyway. Don’t let anyone command you. Listen to all, nod quietly, make a note of the best parts of what they say, and use them to live your own life.
Realize that your escort persona (or image) does not represent the real you. As an escort, you may be a horny, dirty dominatrix. But, in real life, you are completely submissive and afraid to make the first move with a man. It’s perfectly okay to personify such a dichotomy of values. When you are working as an escort, you are playing a role, just like an actor in a play. However, you shouldn’t describe yourself by how you depict yourself as an escort.
Avoid cynicism. It’s very easy to become tainted in any career where societal judgment is a consequence. Even more to the point, it could be very easy to grow skeptical of human nature altogether when you come into contact with clients whose relationships fail, demonstrate mean personalities, act with selfishness and immaturity, and fail to be reliable or trustworthy. Many clients treat escorts like they are objects or servants who are beneath them. Bitterness and skepticism are easy byproducts of an escort career. However, succumbing to these attitudes makes you a victim, too. Living with a negative viewpoint and the assumption that people will disappoint you is not a way to exist. You are limiting yourself and your relationships when you embrace these beliefs. Despite the negative client experiences you incur and the stigma placed on you by society, find ways to think positively about life and people.
Don’t become a slave to your lifestyle. Many escorts become victims of their own making as they become adjusted to living a luxurious life. It’s common knowledge that when you make more money, you spend more money. As your income rises, you splurge here and there, until you’ve begun to make habits of your extravagances. You may invest in an expensive home, car or other big-ticket items, which require constant upkeep and future fees, such as taxes. When you lead a lifestyle that is akin to your high income, you set yourself up to obligations to continue bringing in the same salary month after month, without fail. As a result, you become a victim to your own life. You are forced to maintain your standard of living, sometimes to the point where you must work too much and too hard. Burn out is easy to come by when you victimize yourself in such a way. When you’re an escort, you should never position yourself so that you can’t take a break or experience a slow month or two.