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The effects of confiding your escorting secret to others
April 9, 2015 |
It’s common for escorts to debate the pros and cons of divulging their secrets to friends and family members. But, most often, the pros and cons directly relate to how the sharing of the truth will affect you, the escort. Even though that may be a prevalent concern for you, obviously, there are many other factors to consider when you plan to confide in others. There’s a significant ripple effect that results in situations that you may not have even thought about and how they will impact not only you, but the important people in your life.
Firstly, it’s important to determine why you feel the need to tell others about your career. There are usually three main reasons that drive escorts to telling their secrets:
1.You feel guilty for not telling the truth. If you’ve lived a life that was traditionally straight-forward and honest, it’s probably eating you up inside to be keeping secrets from the very people you love the most. You buy into the theory that “the truth will set you free,” and want to lighten your conscience’s load by coming clean. You think that it will make you feel better to finally tell the truth about what you’re up to so that you don’t have to blacken your soul my lying continually. You want to finally be able to look someone in the eye, without having to divert your glance when you suspect that they realize you’re being dishonest. This is a huge motivator for sharing your secret with someone. It’s such a relief to finally be able to be truthful with your loved one.
2. Keeping up the lie is becoming too complicated. It’s hard to maintain a cover story long term and stick to the same lie repeatedly. Often, embellishments are required along the way, which makes your story even more elaborate and difficult to remember. It may become such an alternative to reality that you may have trouble adhering to it when you’re around your friends and family members, due to how it’s grown over time. Sometimes, your lies take on a life of their own and get completely out of hand, which makes it even more challenging to keep up with them. It’s just easier to stop pretending and tell the truth. When you are honest, you don’t have to worry about getting your facts straight or trying to remember which lie you told last.
3. You need someone to talk to. Many escorts find themselves in binds or quandaries where they need assistance or advice. Being isolated by a lie isn’t incredibly helpful when you need some helpful insight. Coming clean about what you do for a living is the first step to finding someone you can be honest with, as you vent or discuss the events of your day. Maybe you just need to be able to tell someone about the raunchy client you had or the crazy thing that happened mid-encounter. Not being able to talk about these things makes them even more difficult to process, so telling someone about your career seems like the most logical thing to do, freeing you up to converse with them openly.
While each of these reasons are viable motivations for sharing your secret with others, they are also very self-centered views that do not even presume that sharing a secret of such magnitude would have an impact on another person.
When an escort shares her secret with someone else, there are several ripple effects that may seriously impact both individuals’ lives, along with those they come into contact with, too. Take a moment and read about the potential effects your new honesty may have:
1. You are placing a burden of secrecy upon your friend. By confiding in them, you are making them a conspirator to your plight. In fact, you may be making them an unwilling party to your efforts. When you share your secret with someone else, that person may not be aware of the level of discretion you are requiring of them until it’s too late to take it all back. The responsibility of helping you keep your details private becomes their task, too, when they are privy to your most hidden truths. Without saying as much, you are requiring them to protect your secret, just as you would, once you’ve divulged confidential information to them. Upon learning your secret, this individual may feel overwhelmed with the duty they are now faced with to help you maintain your cover story.
2. You assume that your family member’s loyalty will be most linked to you. However, that may or may not be the case. Many times, when an escort confides her deepest, darkest secrets to someone, she learns that a deeper loyalty lies with someone else and her secrets become public. Other times, it puts immense pressure on a loved one to ignore other loyalties he may have. For instance, telling only one parent about your confidential career puts enormous stress on the chosen one to keep the truth from your other parent. This is especially difficult if they are still married and have extreme loyalty to tell each other everything. It’s unfair and unwise to expect that a friend or family member will automatically choose their loyalty to you over their close ties to another loved one.
3. Loved ones have moral obligations to share your news. Just because you tell someone about your secret doesn’t mean that he or she will accept your lifestyle. Giving that much trust to a friend may flatter them, but they may still feel obligated to tell your secret to others, in hopes that they can help you choose a more honorable career. Or, they may be afraid for your safety. Despite your insistence for discretion, the other person may feel torn between being honorable to you or fulfilling a moral obligation to others. For instance, if you tell your aunt what’s going on in your world, she may feel like she has to come clean with her sister (your mother). After all, they’ve been through thick and thin together and made promises to tell each other important things they discover about the family. Putting her in the position to go against that bond is selfish.
4. Your confidante can’t deal with the emotions of your confession by talking with those close to him. Telling your brother, for example, about your career and prohibiting him from sharing the details with anyone else is insensitive. He may be shocked and sad at the discovery. But, he is unable to talk with others to work out his feelings about your career. He can’t share what he knows in order to talk about his own emotions. Forcing him to internalize how he feels about the situation is unhealthy and a selfish thing to do. Loved ones who must avoid the subject with the people he cares about may withdraw, become angry or act disinterested, all while trying to process his own emotions.
5. It’s unfair to ask others to lie for you. Not only are you asking someone to not tell your secret, but many escorts expect their confidantes to tell untruths on their behalf to help them avoid their secret becoming public knowledge. Expecting another person to fib for you in order to create smoke and mirrors around your choice as an escort is immature. Keeping your secret is your own responsibility. It’s not someone else’s role to protect your confidential life. If you want to ensure that your escort lifestyle remains private, don’t tell anyone else about it. When you tell others, you can’t expect them to put their own reputations and relationships on the line for you. This self-centered view doesn’t realize the impacts that this person’s lies might have not only on you, but also on their friendships or in the trust that others have in them.
6. You put people in unfair positions where they are unable to defend you. If a situation ever arises where people are discussing truths or untruths about you, you have tied your friend’s hands in many ways in any efforts they might take to stick up for you. Before being silenced by your requests for discretion, they would be able to offer honest defenses for any accusations against you. They would be able to vocalize aspects of your moral character. But, now, with making them promise to not breathe a word of the truth to anyone, they are bound to sit idly by while others discuss you. This will probably bother your friend immensely, causing them to resent knowing the truth. It’s hard on relationships to expect your friends to tolerate discussion without being able to speak up.
7. You put the people you care for in awkward situations. By requesting that they keep your secret, your friend may have to pointedly avoid conversations that they predict will involve discussions about doubts others have about you. They may become engaged in conversations about the world of escorting and seem to have too much knowledge without any explanations of how they’ve gotten it. Their awkwardness in certain scenarios (due to keeping your secret) may cause others to think suspiciously of them. Rumors may start that they are involved in the escort industry in some way, due to their knowledge of the career. Or, they may have to withdraw from various circles due to topics of discussion or feeling uncomfortable with the general opinions of the group.
8. Your secret may damage your relative’s relationship with you. Due to the stress of keeping your secret, he may begin to resent you. He feels like he has to lie to others on your behalf, which makes him feel bad about himself. He blames you for that. Additionally, when others feel betrayed by his refusal to tell the truth about what he knows about you, they withdraw from him, causing damage to his relationships. When his other friendships and connections go down the tubes as a result of trying to protect the secret you’ve told him, he will feel like you’ve betrayed HIM by making his life impossible. The ripple effect becomes that a person you’ve once felt closest to is torn away from you due to that deep connection you once shared. By entrusting your friend with your secret, you’re effectively placing a time bomb in your relationship that may go off at any time.
9. Your trusted family member may feel cheated out of being angry or disgusted with you. Anger is a common emotion associated telling the truth about your escorting career. Another one is disgust. Family members and friends are often mad you’ve lied to them and horrified by the lifestyle they presume you lead. However, when you surprise a loved one with your secret and swear them to silence due to your trust, they may feel like they don’t even have a chance to feel negative about your career choice. Being so preoccupied with your own needs to tell someone else and obtain advice or insight, you fail to consider that the person you’ve chosen to share information with may not approve of your actions. But, as you go on with your efforts to push your secret on a friend, she may not even get a chance to express her dissatisfaction with the situation, feeling naturally obligated to support you.
10. Others will feel betrayed by your lack of trust in them. Once it’s discovered that you told a certain friend or family member, others in your circle may think that you don’t love or trust them as much. They may be hurt or confused about what they did to lose your trust. Some may feel betrayed, because you know all of their secrets. It may damage future aspects of relationships, when they fail to tell you things about their life. And, the bonds associated with your friendships may be tenser than normal, due to the realization that you lied to them, but told someone else the truth. Selecting certain members of your family and leaving others out when you need to divulge your secrets will definitely put a rift between you and your loved ones, in addition to putting them at odds with one another.
The realization that it’s not all about you when you decide you need to share your secret lifestyle is the first step to being able to come clean with a friend or family member. Recognizing the fact that your one confession can have multiple effects is significant. It’s not just as simple as divulging your escort experiences. It has huge impacts on the people you tell… and the ones you don’t. Before you tell someone just to get it off your chest, make sure that you think of the others in your life and how they will feel with the responsibility of being your secret keeper.
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