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How do “free” dates compare to seeing escorts?
April 28, 2014 | About escorts, Escorts on escorting
Okay so a lot of people who I’ve spoken to outside of the escorting and hobbyist communities seem to have this strange aversion to the idea of paying for a date, or more specifically for sex. Why is that?
by Ashly Lorenzana
Well, on a personal level I can understand.
While I’ve certainly been paid to see my fair share of clients over the years, my attitude totally changes when I try to put myself on the other side of the equation. Would I ever be willing to pay someone for sex?
Now keep in mind that things are easy for me. I’m a female so I’ll never be in a situation where paying for it is somehow simpler or easier for me if sex or affection is what I’m after. However, in a hypothetical situation where guys were as hard to come by as chicks often are… would my attitude change?
I’d lean towards saying probably not. I seem to have the same hang up that keeps my non-hobbyist friends from hiring an escort — I’d be convinced that the person I was paying was only there because of the money and for some reason that would make cheapen how it felt to me.
The odd thing about this is that I KNOW for a fact that it isn’t always the case. I know that I enjoy and even look forward to seeing most of my clients and that I certainly don’t have to continue seeing anyone whose company I don’t enjoy.
I suspect that it has something to do with insecurity and ego. It’s nice to feel like someone is spending their time with you simply because they enjoy your company and that’s enough for them.
But let’s get down to the real reason why this is the world’s oldest profession, shall we? In a typical modern setting, guys take girls out on dates because first of all, it’s expected and usually required if he is interested in her in whatever capacity.
That’s where things start to get a little murky. I think that if people could be more honest with themselves and especially with others, this would solve itself.
Let’s say that we have a guy who finds a girl attractive. How they meet isn’t really too important, but let’s just say that he’s motivated by physical attraction and so he asks her out on a date, hoping to get laid in the end.
She thinks he is reasonably attractive and says yes, hoping that it may eventually develop into a relationship.
They go on a date, he pays for everything and opens the door for her and everything else that society has told him he’s supposed to do when taking a woman out. She appreciates these gestures, but at the end of the date she doesn’t invite him inside.
They guy is probably not upset because this is common. He didn’t get what he wanted, but he feels like he has jumped through lots of hoops to get it.
He’ll probably ask her out again. Maybe even several times before he either gets what he wanted originally or he loses interest and starts pursuing someone else for the same purpose.
That gets expensive after a while, obviously. At that point, it seems more practical to pay someone he finds attractive to have sex with him than it does to continue chasing after women who have different priorities and whose motivation is different for going on the date in the first place.
That’s not to say that dating is the only way to get sex. Lots of guys I know used to just frequent bars and try picking up on chick’s until they found one who was willing. From what I’ve been told, this usually results in drunken one night stands.
Which I guess is fine if that’s what makes you happy.
If only promiscuous females weren’t so hard to come by. I feel for the guys, I really do. At the same time, I don’t understand why the attitudes about sex are so different for both genders.
Some mysteries I can’t even take a stab at solving, so I won’t.
I think what everything comes down to in this whole situation is gender. I can’t see past my own because I’m so used to thinking that guys should want me based on physical attraction. If they required money from me, I wouldn’t be able to convince myself that they truly wanted me.
Even though I know that I’ve enjoyed sex with many of my clients. Did I enjoy it enough that I might have done it in a different situation where money wasn’t involved? In some cases the answer would have been yes, in others probably not.
This is why I am so sympathetic to my clients and go out of my way to make them feel like I am present with them because I like them and I want to be there. I understand that it makes them feel good when I visit, but that the reason it feels so good is that I do a damn good job of making it seem like I’ve forgotten I’m being paid at the end too.
Hell, sometimes I wasn’t even pretending. I’ve left more than once without collecting my donation and had to return minutes later after one of us realized I’d left without it.
I think if that happened, it might reassure me a good deal that a guy was just taking my money because that’s what his job was and that it didn’t have to mean that he didn’t find me attractive or want me to begin with.
Like I said, it boils down to your own ego and insecurities.
Surprisingly, almost every guy I’ve been with (clients and otherwise) has had just as much of a need for affection and cuddling as he does sex. I think the latter still tips the scale slightly, but it’s far closer to equal than a lot of people seem to think.
This just reinforces the fact that we are all human after all. It’s not only about getting off, even for guys. It’s about a connection with another human being, the sensations involved in that, the closeness that comes with it and the undeniable intimacy that two people experience when strong chemistry exists between them.
These are things you can’t really buy at all. But when you find an escort who gives you all these things, you probably won’t mind paying her for her time at all.
About the author
Ashly has over five years of experience working as an independent escort in the Portland, OR area. She is also the author of “Sex, Drugs & Being an Escort”—a memoir about her life and various adventures.
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